Week 3 of the Vegetarian For One
Month article is upon us and I still haven't had a real craving
for any meat, unless you count Fabio's salami stick.
| 11-06-06 Monday
Today I decided to be different so
I went to KFC and got a large bucket of genetically engineered
chicken that glows in the dark. Okay, I actually just ate
at Quiznos again with my most cherished cookie and a Sobe
lunch meal plan. For dinner Lori went to the store and we
ate goat cheese pizza and pasta salad. I had already eaten
my pizza and started eating the pasta salad when, after
2 bites, I noticed cubes of meat in it. I sort of panicked,
broke into a cold sweat, and then made like Nicole Ritchie
and made a beeline for the bathroom to empty the contents
of my stomach into the mighty Sarlacc Pit I call the toilet.
The hell if I was going to have to start this project over
again just because I didn't inspect my food like it contained
the ebola virus. I don't think I ate any actual meat, I
am pretty sure I would have tasted it, but just to be safe
I decided to make the bathroom run and have bathroom fun.
After I had expelled my dinner I decided I would eat my
leftovers from My Big Fat Greek Restaurant.
Round 2 for dinner
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| 11-07-06 Tuesday
I did the brownie/Sobe combo today
and digested more of my book during lunch. I also shoved
various sub condiments directly up my ass. We ate mexican
for dinner and I feasted on cheese enchiladas. They were
good, but not as good a pure white columbian gold straight
from South America. I also couldn't get to sleep last night
and had a vision of the next article, which I will start
working on this weekend. It will make a fitting tribute
for Thanksgiving.
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| 11-08-06 Wednesday
I splurged at Quiznos today and had
2 cookies and a Sobe. I think the world might just end.
For dinner I dined on only the finest gourmet food money
can buy, my money, which means I ate macaroni and cheese
with a veggie corn dog on the side. Talk about high class,
I sipped some Krystal while I spoke about politics and current
events to my dinner party. By dinner party I mean my cat
and by speaking on current events I mean watching Ghost
Hunters and trying not to drool on myself.
I also wanted to share a special
photo with you. One week ago to this day I played Dr. Frankenstein
and created my own monster, but he doesn't like to be called
that. No, he goes by Clyde and he is living on my back porch
until he disintegrates into nothingness. Of course I am
speaking about the bean burrito with M&M candy facial
features. Check out what 1 week in the elements has done
to him:
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| 11-09-06 Thursday
Today I did something completely new
for lunch, I gave birth to a chest buster that had been
living in my belly the last 24 hours. I woke up around 3am
and made a mad dash for the bathroom. I had been using the
restroom all day having some...um...problems, but I was
fine by the time I went to bed. Well, I guess my stomach
revolted and at 3am it was high time I got back on the porcelain
beast and think happy thoughts. Not even extra strength
Imodium would tame this monster, so I had to call into work
from lack of sleep and that fact that I might just shit
myself on the drive in. So for lunch and dinner today I
had air. It was tasty and I highly recommend it to anyone
looking to start a new diet. Just look what it did for my
weight.
Tasty Air!! No Carbs, No Trans-Fat!!!
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| 11-10-06 Friday
Today I just had a Sobe for lunch as
I was trying to nurse my stomach back to health from the
previous day and night. For dinner I decided to screw nursing
my stomach back to health and we ate at the Streets of New
York pizzeria in Mesa, Arizona. We had some little bread
stick popper things to start out with and an orgasmic artichoke
and spinach dip. For dinner I had a veggie pizza and washed
it down with cold white flaky bacon grease. Dinner was really
tasty and I didn't shit my pants which is always a plus
when dining out.
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| 11-11-06 Saturday
Today we ate at Rainforest Cafe for dinner.
We had an order of Nachos for an appetizer and for dinner
I had an order of the cheese sticks, because there wasn't
a whole lot on the menu that looked good or that I could
eat. I did jump on the set and started gnawing the face
off of one of the animatronics elephants that was positioned
directly behind us. We also saw Ogre from Revenge of the
Nerds waiting on tables while we were there, so we asked
if we could snap a photo for posterity. NERDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| 11-12-06 Sunday
Today I learnt a valuable lesson...Chili's
sucks if you don't want to eat meat. I seriously think everything
on their menu has some sort of meat-type object in it. I
had to settle for a side salad and a bowl of disgusting
filth called broccoli and cheese soup, but I think they
should rename it broccoli and cheese diarrhea. I had to
stop off at the gas station to pickup a bear claw after
dinner because I was still hungry. There is only one week
left in my article...what will the outcome be?!
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